Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
