know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
