i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
