Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
