the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
