me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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