he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
