I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
