i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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