i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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