Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
