spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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