I hate your face
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
