Having a random hookup so left but love u
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
