New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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