why didn't you poke me back
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
