Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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