im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
