walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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