I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
