I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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