Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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