true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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