I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
