Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
