hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
