My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
