I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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