I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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