You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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