I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
