Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
