my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
