Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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