evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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