Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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