took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
