sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
