i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We have started to decorate penises.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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