That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
