And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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