we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
