Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
