I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
