Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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