I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
