Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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