one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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