I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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