It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
