woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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