i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
