i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
