Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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