he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
