I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i've created a new STD.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
