I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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