my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
