if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
